Pink Goop

Hi, all. This is Daddy. I'm here to talk about a problem that has surfaced ever since little Elijah Hawk came along: What to do with all that cuteness. If you've ever read Dr. Seuss's The Cat and the Hat Comes Back, then you're familiar with the dilemma of the "pink goop." When the mischievous and unwelcomed cat and the hat...er...comes back to visit a couple kids who are at home alone, he decides to take a bath. To the children's horror, the cat's bath leaves a pink ring-around-the-tub. The cat then decides to clean the mess up using the lady of the house's white dress (smart), leaving the bath tub clean and the white dress...well...pink. After using the wall to clean the dress, a pair of shoes to clean the wall, (and so on), it becomes obvious that the pink goop isn't something you can just "get rid of." Sure, you can move it around, but it's not something you can just make "go away,” which brings me to main point.
I know it's a crude comparison, but cuteness is like the pink goop. You know that sudden rush of intense, gushy emotion you get when you spy an irresistibly cute and cuddly puppy? That's pink goop getting into your system. It's like having ants in your pants (albeit much more pleasant). Your system's knee-jerk reaction is to seek relief by finding somewhere to put it; an outlet, if you will. This usually takes the form of kissing, cuddling, and snuggling with the source of cuteness, and--most of the time--it brings relief. Our systems can usually process a “cute puppy dog’s worth” of pink goop. But when you’re the proud parent staring into the eyes of your babbling, cuddly, blue-eyed, soft-faced, blond, baby boy, the cuteness reaches levels so lethal, the system cannot even begin to process such copious levels of pink goop.
So what is my dilemma? No matter how many kisses, hugs, cuddles, stares, and snuggles I bestow on my little love target, I can't get the ants outta my pants. I don’t know what to do with Elijah’s excess cuteness. I can’t wipe it off with a white dress, I can’t clean it off using the wall, and I can’t funnel it into a pair of shoes. I swear I’m one step away from pouring maple syrup on him and gobbling him up for breakfast. He’s just TOO CUTE!!!