Sunday, May 27, 2012

Saying Goodbye to Baby #3

Just a few days after my wonderful birthday weekend Ian and I received challenging news during my regular baby check-up.  The doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat on the monitor and so further tests were done and it turned out that baby Kirkland #3's heart had stopped and she had stopped growing at 13 weeks old. 

We were shocked, hurt, and severely disappointed to loose the baby, but at the same time we knew there must have been something wrong with the way the body was developing or it just wasn't meant to be.

Meanwhile, a few weeks before we found out about loosing baby #3, a female cardinal bird had strangely been trying to get into our house every time we walked by or near a window.  At first she just started knocking her beak at the bathroom window when we were in the bath.  But, soon after that she would come knock her beak against the kitchen window when we were having breakfast, lunch and dinner!  Ian kept remarking that it was like she was trying to tell us something.

After we came home from our doctor appointment the knocking just got worse.  The bird was EVERYWHERE - ALL THE TIME!  Ian and I were having a heart to heart about loosing the baby and he mentioned that in a strange way he felt like the baby's spirit had been using the bird to try to communicate with us that it was ok and that all is how it is supposed to be.  As soon as he said that, it was like my heart fell into deep calm water, and I just knew he was right.

The bird stayed with us all through my healing process and about 2 weeks later, when our spirits felt strong, she left.  We reallized then, that the bird had shown up exactly when the baby's heart had stopped beating - and left when our hearts were stronger.  We felt the physical presence of God and the baby's spirit constantly reminding us that she was ok, and that it was a part of the plan, and that all is well.

As strange as it all sounds, I have always tried to be open to any and all ways God chooses to speak to me - nothing is silent if you truly listen.


  1. Oh Rach I'm so sorry. It is truly beautiful how God spoke to you!